First I want to apologize to all my fellow Xangans who loved following my posts...sorry I fell off the band wagon...again

To catch everyone up (which is what I feel like I do everyyy time I post because there's such a gap in between each entry lol) I just finished my last semester of my college and will be receiving my Bachelor's in Psychology very shortly! Only draw back is now that I'm finished with my education, for the time being, I don't know what the heck to do with myself. For the past 18 or 19 years I've done nothing but play the role of a student. I've aced the process of writing papers hours before they're due, pulling all nighter's, multitasking homework while plugging in the hours at my job...the list goes on lol.

But now that I'm done...I feel a little lost. I have no idea what my next step in life is going to be and I guess I could say I'm having a hard time adjusting to life. Now, am I just being over dramatic about this or do other people agree with me or have experienced something similar? Any advice on how to get out of the funk?

Also, being unhappy with my personal life, has created a lot of drama in my dating life recently and as of Wednesday, I'm single (Side note - it feels really weird typing that since he and I were together almost a year). It just came to a point in the relationship where the two of us did nothing but argue with each other, and tore the other one down instead of helping build each other up. There's a lot of things in his life he wants and needs to work on and same with me. I sat down with him and shared this concern. I could see the hurt in his eyes but he agreed with me. He finally asked me what I wanted to do about the situation and I said that I think the best thing, for BOTH of us right now, is to not be together. I really stressed the point that if an individual is not happy with him or herself, then there's no way that individual can be happy with another person. We've agreed to stay friends, and I really hope we do, but only time will tell if its possible.

I've been racking my head the past day or so as to what made me happy when I was younger, what I enjoyed, and ways I can get back to it. One of the first things that popped into my head was blogging again. I've always been a firm believer in the fact that this is a safe place for a person to express his or her thoughts, opinions, and feelings. Its also therapeutic and I could use a big dose of that right about now haha. Another thing that helped me focused on the good things in the past was a "gratitude journal" that my Positive Psychology professor made me do last spring. At first I thought it was a stupid idea buttt it was the easiest assignment on the list we had to pick from lol and once I actually started putting real thought and effort into it, I found it did help. It forces an individual to focus solely on the good in his or her life, no matter how big or small, and be thankful that it happened.

Along with whatever other ramblings I decide to post on here, I'm going to try and do a gratitude journal entry every day, even if its the only thing I have to say that day. The plan is to mention at least three things for that day. Fellow Xangans - feel free to hold me accountable on this!! I want to start with yesterday's entry since I actually came up with is then but didn't have the time to post before my dinner date.

Gratitude Entry #1 (1/19/12)

1. I got a phone call from my best friend who lives four hours away and I haven't really been able to talk to in a few weeks. We chatted for almost two hours. She had some frustrations and so did I. We took turns just listening to the other and it was amazing. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed our "vent sessions" lol

2. Had my first experience at The Melting Pot! It was AMAZING! My roommate took me as a late birthday gift/celebration because she was still on her family vacation when my actual birthday had rolled around. My stomach had reached max capacity by the time we had left haha

3. The Suicide Prevention Hotline that I applied for as a volunteer finally contacted me!! I knew the training started this weekend so I thought I had missed the boat when yesterday came (2 days before orientation) and no one had called to ask me aboard. Thank God I got a busy signal when I called Big Brother/Big Sister, who've been blowing up my phone this week wanting an interview, because an hour or so later was when the lady from the hotline contacted. Not that I have anything against Big Brother/Big Sister, but it wasn't my first choice for volunteer work. I think the hotline is something I'm very passionate about and it pertains somewhat to my Psych degree.

4. The roomie, Steph, and I got a new shower head installed last night by her boyfriend because we were having issues with the old one. This thing is hugeeee! There's no other way to describe it so I'm just going to post a picture, lol. The middle piece is a detachable shower head, which is the size that a normal shower head is, and then the outside is just extra...this thing has a "waterfall" setting. Woah.

Gratitude Entry #2

1. Had my first shift back to work tonight. I work on a college campus so the past four weeks I was laid off for winter break. The time off was nice, at first, because it was a welcomed change of pace from my schedule last fall buttt not that I have my own apartment and bills to take care of, its just not that feasible so I was pumped to work today haha.

2. Broke my new, knee high, boots in today. Got them for my birthday, a couple weeks ago, and I had yet to break them out until today. They have buckles and zippers on them so they have a "biker" feel to them <3

3. I have enough money for rent and I'm sooo thankful for that. This doesn't sound like a big one but it really is...considering the fact that I haven't worked since December 18th and this rent check coming up is the second one I've had to pay while unemployed. Its a good thing I got holiday pay, Christmas money, birthday money, and a little bit of unemployment benefits otherwise this would not be possible right now.

I hope you realize that sometimes winning is losing, and in this scenario, you're definitely losing. I gave in because you're being stubborn but I don't think you realize the consequences of your decision. You will, in time, though. When I'm not by your side anymore because some guy decided to man up first and stop being scared to commit and/or to let me down...then you'll see your mistake.

I love you.

You love me.

We make an awesome team.

So what's the hold up?

You always talk like you'll do anything in the world to make me happy...so why is this the exception?

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